Ladies, have you ever taken your guy into a bath and beauty store?
I am convinced, after having dragged the husband into one yesterday, that they are categorically designed to keep men out.
Now, I’m sure these shops spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on special consultants advising them how to deter the “male element,” but I am about to share this information for FREE because I’m feeling generous and I may or may not have mixed myself a bellini this morning.
The key elements are:
- Blasting Katy Perry and Ke$ha dance remixes from no fewer than ten speakers strategically placed anywhere anyone may want to have a conversation (next to a particularly interesting display, by the front door, near the cash register, etc.);
- Spraying every entering customer with perfume that smells of jasmine, sugar cookies, and lemon;
- Giving every product cutesy names like “Princess Peppermint Pretty Toes Foot Creme,” “Don’t be a Jojoba Body Butter,” and “Rub-A-Dub-Dub Super Duper Bath Salts”; and
- Insisting on testing products on any customer that has stood still for longer than ten seconds (“Don’t you just love how this sand paper scrub exfoliates your epidermis right off?!”).
“Why would these businesses do this? Don’t they want the extra revenue?” you ask. Easy. Men ask too many questions. They look incredulous when told prices and say things like, “For this little jar???” And their impatience makes the women they go shopping with throw their hands up and walk out of the store with only half a baggie full of salves and potions.
So you see, the keeping out of men is essential to these stores’ existence. I’m wondering if this could be done for cupcake shops and those fancy make-your-own salad places, too, because I often feel like I’m stuck waiting behind indecisive dudes who change their minds five times, not wanting to “commit” to a certain flavor or dressing. Ugh.
One thing I’ve found men and women can always agree on and enjoy is homemade strawberry ice cream. Particularly this Simple Strawberry-Buttermilk Ice Cream from the kitchen of sweets guru Shauna Sever. To make this lovely concoction, just combine a few easily-accessible ingredients into your food processor (or use your immersion blender, like moi), give them a whirl and freeze them according to your ice cream maker.
It’s that easy. And really yummy. And if you want to keep your guy away from the bowl, burn a pineapple vanilla mint candle and blast the Spice Girls in your kitchen. I guarantee he won’t get anywhere near it.