I feel like I’ve learned a lot from advice columnists. So much, in fact, that I’m pretty sure I’ve earned some sort of online degree from the University of Self-Help and am now certified to solve the problems of men and women across the land.
So even though it took me years to fully realize my Doctorate of Psyche Exploring, I’ve decided to share the wealth and offer you some general bits of wisdom that will likely solve all of your problems and make you a new, unencumbered man or woman.
- If you are asked to be a bridesmaid in your friend’s wedding, and you have to take out a loan to pay for the dress, the bachelorette party, the plane tickets to the destination wedding, and the bride’s mortgage, just say no. Otherwise you’ll be broke and hate your now ex-friend.
- If you meet a guy/girl who is instantly over-the-top charming, be wary: normal people don’t run around acting like James Bond or his female equivalent (Jamie?). Mr./Ms. Cassanova is very likely hiding some very significant skeletons in the closet, like a secret family, an obsession with cross-dressing, or the fact that they are 38 and still living with their mother.
- If your significant other wears a black mask, is always sneaking around in the night, and is frequently caught pawing through your trash, you may be dating a professional burglar or a raccoon.
If you aren’t careful, these things could happen to you.
Another bit of advice: make this banana nut bread. Sure, it’s way healthier than your average banana nut bread, but it’s also way more delicious. I mean, it’s genuinely, significantly yummier than most banana nut breads I’ve come across (and believe me when I say that I’m a bit of a connoisseur). Best of all, the recipe makes two loaves. So eat one now, and wrap the other in saran and aluminum foil to eat later. Doctor’s orders.